So the Olympics Opening Ceremony. Fucking weird, am I right? At one point I looked around to see if I was inadvertently smoking angel dust, but no, that actually was a giant Lord Voldemort being vanquished by 100 Mary Poppins followed by a giant creepy glow in the dark baby. Okay! I did, however, get into the Bowie meets Prodigy meets 90s rave sequence because everyone who’s anyone knows that everything is better with visors and glow sticks (and for that matter, Vicks Vaporub). Moving on.
There were like a shit ton of countries in that damn parade of nations. It just kept going and going and going and Bob Costas just kept talking and talking and talking and the next thing I knew I woke up in a gutter in Times Square. Oh wait that was another time. Anyway, that shit was generally so ridiculously boring but I have taken time out of my *busy* schedule to bring you some of the fashion highlights from our favorite part of the world.
First up, Belarus. Leave it to the sunny and light-hearted country of Belarus to deck its athletes out as a cross between summer wedding guests in the Hamptons and Alitalia gate agents.
Oh look there’s Maria Sharapova doing her damnedest to hide that hideous polyester assault on the eyes shirt that Russia forced its athletes to wear. Guy on the left is all like “Whatever Maria don’t even bother, just go with it.”
And here’s my gold medal winner in the Olympics fashion stakes: Ukraine! But seriously, as if that shirt, pattern, collar, jacket combo wasn’t enough to send Ukraine sprinting past the competition, some athletes are sporting a jaunty Cossack style hat! I am also kind of obsessed with the color scheme here: sky blue, yellow, white, brown and clashing blue! I can tell this is going to be ALL OVER SS 2012. I think I’m in love.
Kazakhstan is having a really successful games so far. That biker dude won gold in some sort of bicycle race yesterday and earlier this week I showed you the stunningly chic press ensembles/ funeral outfits that the Kazakh athletes sport as formal wear. And then WHAM! What skitters across my screen on Friday night? SMURFS! I muted Bob Costas and started singing “Fa La La La La La, Fa La La La La La” and started looking out for Gargamel to sic that mangy cat on those tasty little Smurfs skipping across Olympic Stadium. I love the 80s so this is clearly a win for me.